Tuesday, May 11, 2004
Innocents in the Attic
I went away from home at the age of 13 to a boys Prep School, where I was sheltered carefully from the evil enticements of girls by my celibate monastic superiors. It wasn't until about half way through my first year there that each one of us was scheduled for a "conference" with our Spiritual Director. This conference amounted to being told that if I "played with myself" or "abused myself" that it was a mortal sin and I would be sent to hell. And of course, I should avoid not only girls, but all temptations of the flesh.
I actually hadn't been masturbating that much in the few months that I was there, simply because there was no privacy, and we were kept busy and exhausted by the end of the day. I experienced my first wet dreams during this period, during lurid dreams of naked girls, erotic situations, or cruel and sadistic killings. I remember awaking almost in shock, my body still shuddering from the unconscious orgasm I had in my sleep.
Someone found an illustrated "Lives of the Saints" book, and several of us crowded around to leer at the pictures of Early Christian Virgins being speared, beheaded or eaten by lions. And of course the stories would include that they had been raped. The pictures of St. Sebastian were particularly interesting, and left the whole bunch of us squirming with the erotic imagery of a naked guy getting drilled by dozens of arrows. Some of the artists even provided us with an arrow in the lower belly, right next to our young stiffening cocks. We stared and talked softly about how it must feel to be hit with arrows like that, or to spear a girl in the belly. Three or four of us went down to the boys room, went into stalls and masturbated. It was the first time that I was aware of other boys doing it while I was doing it. It was very erotic to realize that they had gotten stiff cocks by looking at the holy pictures and stories, too.
After that, there was a small group of us who would find interesting pictures and stories in books, usually about some gruesome martyrdom, and after looking at the book and discussing it, we would openly admit that we were getting stiff and would go off to the boys room in groups of two or three to masturbate. I would be intensely excited by the sounds of my friends in other stalls jerking off... I could hear their balls slapping and hear the gasp and grunt when blessed release hit their young bodies and the load pulsed out into a tissue. I would add my sounds to the mix when I exploded, too, and pump a big gooey load into a wad of tissue.
Just after the beginning of my second year there, one of my friends pulled me aside one Saturday afternoon and asked me if I'd like to go exploring. He and I and two others slipped away from the group and went to a locked door that led up into a dusty attic with old-fashioned dormer windows cut into the roof. We easily popped the lock and quietly stole up into the attic. There were some shipping crates, frames of old beds, and a couple old cabinets there. We quietly went over by one of the dormer windows, where my friend pulled a magazine out from under the loose floor boards. I had never seen one of "those" magazines, and as we crowded around and flipped the pages, I felt my cock hardening at the sight of naked girls brazenly holding their tits up for the camera, and splaying their legs so we could see their cunts. After a few minutes of looking through the magazine, he said, "OK, let's pick one and do her." I wasn't sure what he meant, but we went through the magazine once more until we settled on a picture of a girl with large naked tits sitting on a chair with her pussy splayed open. He tore the picture out of the magazine and stuck it on a nail in the wall. The rusty nail punched thru the girl's head, but we weren't interested in her head.
The other three boys opened their pants and let them slide down around their ankles. Their stiff young cocks bobbed in front of their bellies as they jockeyed for positions close to the erotic picture. I followed, getting in close on one side. "Let's see who shoots her first," one of the other boys said, grabbing his cock and starting to stroke.
Another said, "Try it like this: hold your hand still and rock your hips like you're fucking right into her cunt!" I tried it, and began to imagine what it would be like to feel my cock in a girl like that. We caught each other looking at each other's cocks, laughing.
The boy to my right sucked in air through his teeth and arched his back, shuddering, then his cock spurted several thick streams of cum that splattered across the picture, coating the naked girl's tits with strings of cum. The rest of his load spurted onto the floor, accompanied by grunts of pleasure, and a final gasp. It was more than I could stand, and I felt my balls aching to explode, and explode they did. I shuddered and grunted, aiming my cock at her splayed-open cunt and saw the cum spurt and splatter on its target, again and again, until I thought I would faint. Hardly conscious, I heard the last 2 boys go off, grunting and moaning as their balls unloaded all over the picture.
I opened my eyes in time to see both of their cocks shooting loads onto the naked girl's picture. It was covered with cum, and dripping onto the floor.
I stood there catching my breath, embarassed by what I had just done, but very sexually aroused. Without saying much, we took down the picture and tossed it in a box. I noticed that there were several other crumpled up pictures in there. "Let's go. Quiet."
I actually hadn't been masturbating that much in the few months that I was there, simply because there was no privacy, and we were kept busy and exhausted by the end of the day. I experienced my first wet dreams during this period, during lurid dreams of naked girls, erotic situations, or cruel and sadistic killings. I remember awaking almost in shock, my body still shuddering from the unconscious orgasm I had in my sleep.
Someone found an illustrated "Lives of the Saints" book, and several of us crowded around to leer at the pictures of Early Christian Virgins being speared, beheaded or eaten by lions. And of course the stories would include that they had been raped. The pictures of St. Sebastian were particularly interesting, and left the whole bunch of us squirming with the erotic imagery of a naked guy getting drilled by dozens of arrows. Some of the artists even provided us with an arrow in the lower belly, right next to our young stiffening cocks. We stared and talked softly about how it must feel to be hit with arrows like that, or to spear a girl in the belly. Three or four of us went down to the boys room, went into stalls and masturbated. It was the first time that I was aware of other boys doing it while I was doing it. It was very erotic to realize that they had gotten stiff cocks by looking at the holy pictures and stories, too.
After that, there was a small group of us who would find interesting pictures and stories in books, usually about some gruesome martyrdom, and after looking at the book and discussing it, we would openly admit that we were getting stiff and would go off to the boys room in groups of two or three to masturbate. I would be intensely excited by the sounds of my friends in other stalls jerking off... I could hear their balls slapping and hear the gasp and grunt when blessed release hit their young bodies and the load pulsed out into a tissue. I would add my sounds to the mix when I exploded, too, and pump a big gooey load into a wad of tissue.
Just after the beginning of my second year there, one of my friends pulled me aside one Saturday afternoon and asked me if I'd like to go exploring. He and I and two others slipped away from the group and went to a locked door that led up into a dusty attic with old-fashioned dormer windows cut into the roof. We easily popped the lock and quietly stole up into the attic. There were some shipping crates, frames of old beds, and a couple old cabinets there. We quietly went over by one of the dormer windows, where my friend pulled a magazine out from under the loose floor boards. I had never seen one of "those" magazines, and as we crowded around and flipped the pages, I felt my cock hardening at the sight of naked girls brazenly holding their tits up for the camera, and splaying their legs so we could see their cunts. After a few minutes of looking through the magazine, he said, "OK, let's pick one and do her." I wasn't sure what he meant, but we went through the magazine once more until we settled on a picture of a girl with large naked tits sitting on a chair with her pussy splayed open. He tore the picture out of the magazine and stuck it on a nail in the wall. The rusty nail punched thru the girl's head, but we weren't interested in her head.
The other three boys opened their pants and let them slide down around their ankles. Their stiff young cocks bobbed in front of their bellies as they jockeyed for positions close to the erotic picture. I followed, getting in close on one side. "Let's see who shoots her first," one of the other boys said, grabbing his cock and starting to stroke.
Another said, "Try it like this: hold your hand still and rock your hips like you're fucking right into her cunt!" I tried it, and began to imagine what it would be like to feel my cock in a girl like that. We caught each other looking at each other's cocks, laughing.
The boy to my right sucked in air through his teeth and arched his back, shuddering, then his cock spurted several thick streams of cum that splattered across the picture, coating the naked girl's tits with strings of cum. The rest of his load spurted onto the floor, accompanied by grunts of pleasure, and a final gasp. It was more than I could stand, and I felt my balls aching to explode, and explode they did. I shuddered and grunted, aiming my cock at her splayed-open cunt and saw the cum spurt and splatter on its target, again and again, until I thought I would faint. Hardly conscious, I heard the last 2 boys go off, grunting and moaning as their balls unloaded all over the picture.
I opened my eyes in time to see both of their cocks shooting loads onto the naked girl's picture. It was covered with cum, and dripping onto the floor.
I stood there catching my breath, embarassed by what I had just done, but very sexually aroused. Without saying much, we took down the picture and tossed it in a box. I noticed that there were several other crumpled up pictures in there. "Let's go. Quiet."
In the beginning was the cock, and the cock was with God, and the cock was God.
My first erection, at least the first one I remember, occurred during Mass one cold morning in 1954. I was 11 or 12, and an altar boy. I was looking up at the image of Jesus hanging on the huge cross above the altar when my cock swelled and stiffened under my altar boy's cassock and surplice. I remember feeling a wonderful pleasant feeling until it subsided a while later. Serving God and repeating the pleasure I felt in my young cock became two intertwined themes of my entire life. Much of the time, my cock became my God, and the pursuit of erotic pleasure an all-consuming fire. I discovered that many things made my cock get hard, particularly girls with breasts showing, but also stories of Saints who were tortured and killed, especially female saints... Perpetua, Agatha, Lucy, Agnes, Cecilia. All the wonderful stories of saintly girls who had their tits cut off or were beheaded or stabbed with swords or spears... even St Sebastian, who was a guy, tied naked to a tree and shot full of arrows.
I practiced thinking about any of these things and feeling my cock get hard, it was such an enjoyable pass-time when I was bored in Catholic School or at home alone in my room. I remember taking a bath one Saturday evening, and pretending that I was St. Sebastian, getting shot in the belly with arrows. My cock got hard as I play-acted the arrows hitting my naked body, then I slumped dramatically down into the water, holding my cock like an arrow that had punched into my belly. My cock responded by jerking in my hand, then spurting its first load of cum up in the air and all over my arrow-pierced belly, along with the most wonderful pleasure I had ever felt. I was sure that God was blessing me with a spiritual experience for honoring St. Sebastian... or that maybe my cock itself was how God came to be inside me.
I repeated this wonderful spiritual pleasure every time I took a bath, and soon discovered that I could bring about this wonderful burst of pleasure and feeling of being filled with God almost anywhere, any time. Of course, I didn't do it in public, since I had already been trained in modesty regarding my "bad parts", but in the bath, in my bed, in the boy's room at school, in the woods at my favorite tree... almost anywhere that I was alone.
I discovered that I loved to play "war" games with the other boys (and sometimes girls), or "cowboys and indians", in which I would arrange to be one of the unlucky victims. Sometimes in the course of an afternoon of playing, I would manage to be dramatically machine-gunned by the Nazis 8 or 10 times, in separate waves of attack upon a machine-gun nest. Or I would take multiple arrows in the belly during an indian attack. Later, alone in my room, I would replay the scenes in my mind, feeling the bullets or arrows punching into my belly and finally allowing myself to be riddled with bullets from a machine gun just as I was shooting my load, jerking from pleasure and from the impact of bullets, and spewing my load everywhere, as I go down.
I would lay on my bed afterward, wondering what it would feel like to be a saintly martyr and be killed in numerous grisly and sometimes sadistic ways. Or what it would feel like to be one of the killers: a soldier in a machine gun nest, mowing down the enemy, seeing the bullets punch into their bellies and chests; a Roman soldier charged with stripping a saintly virgin naked and punching a spear or sword thru her belly again and again... until my divine cock rewarded me again with convulsions of pleasure and bursts of blessed juice.
To be continued...
I practiced thinking about any of these things and feeling my cock get hard, it was such an enjoyable pass-time when I was bored in Catholic School or at home alone in my room. I remember taking a bath one Saturday evening, and pretending that I was St. Sebastian, getting shot in the belly with arrows. My cock got hard as I play-acted the arrows hitting my naked body, then I slumped dramatically down into the water, holding my cock like an arrow that had punched into my belly. My cock responded by jerking in my hand, then spurting its first load of cum up in the air and all over my arrow-pierced belly, along with the most wonderful pleasure I had ever felt. I was sure that God was blessing me with a spiritual experience for honoring St. Sebastian... or that maybe my cock itself was how God came to be inside me.
I repeated this wonderful spiritual pleasure every time I took a bath, and soon discovered that I could bring about this wonderful burst of pleasure and feeling of being filled with God almost anywhere, any time. Of course, I didn't do it in public, since I had already been trained in modesty regarding my "bad parts", but in the bath, in my bed, in the boy's room at school, in the woods at my favorite tree... almost anywhere that I was alone.
I discovered that I loved to play "war" games with the other boys (and sometimes girls), or "cowboys and indians", in which I would arrange to be one of the unlucky victims. Sometimes in the course of an afternoon of playing, I would manage to be dramatically machine-gunned by the Nazis 8 or 10 times, in separate waves of attack upon a machine-gun nest. Or I would take multiple arrows in the belly during an indian attack. Later, alone in my room, I would replay the scenes in my mind, feeling the bullets or arrows punching into my belly and finally allowing myself to be riddled with bullets from a machine gun just as I was shooting my load, jerking from pleasure and from the impact of bullets, and spewing my load everywhere, as I go down.
I would lay on my bed afterward, wondering what it would feel like to be a saintly martyr and be killed in numerous grisly and sometimes sadistic ways. Or what it would feel like to be one of the killers: a soldier in a machine gun nest, mowing down the enemy, seeing the bullets punch into their bellies and chests; a Roman soldier charged with stripping a saintly virgin naked and punching a spear or sword thru her belly again and again... until my divine cock rewarded me again with convulsions of pleasure and bursts of blessed juice.
To be continued...
